Okay, Nicholas. Let’s start from the beginning, shall we? When did you begin to have these dark thoughts?
Uh-huh, I see. Since last Christmas? Really, that far back?
Yes, I know it’s always the Holidays for you. How do you normally decompress in January?
French Polynesia? You old dog. I’m sure the Missus doesn’t know about the nude beaches.
No, I won’t tell her. So, what happened this year? Didn’t you get down there?
The flu. That’ll slow you down. Anything else?
Reindeer expansion pack for World of Warcraft? Never heard of it.
No, I play WoW all the time. You should join my guild. It’s this particular module that is new.
Made just for you? How thoughtful. Didn’t realize you had elves with Blizzard. Makes sense. Too bad you don’t have anyone at 3D Realms…
I apologize. Shouldn’t have brought that up. It’s a sore spot for all of us.
Okay. Let’s move on. So, no Polynesian vacation and a little too much WoW. That hardly seems like just cause for, well, you know.
No thanks, I don’t want any fresh reindeer jerky. Can’t eat food with names.
You can call me a panty-waist all you like. I’m not eating the Blitzen Burger either. Enjoy though. Napkin?
We’re getting ahead of ourselves. Back up a bit. You were late getting started on this year. Warcraft is like that. You still had time though. What happened?
No wood or stone?
Traded it for gold. I see. No wages. I thought the elves worked for the greater cause?
Unionized? That explains it. Did they get vacation?
No? I see here that they all ride the cruise ship circuit.
But not this year. Right.
I still don’t get why you ground up the reindeer.
Cannibalism? The elves?
I guess. One Rudolph will feed twenty elves for a week. Must be one fat herd.
Cookies and milk? I though you ate them.
Diabetes. Okay. I didn’t want to point out that you’d lost weight?
You’re welcome. So what happened the night of the slaughter?
Spiked eggnog will do that. I remember this time when—
Sorry, please continue.
Yes, I do love venison. One bite won’t hurt.
Cupid? Nice and tender. Thanks.
So right now, you have no gifts made, no elves to do the work and no reindeer for deliveries. Surely there has to be something?
Hmmmm. How much WoW gold do you have? Converted to Bitcoin.
That’s quite a bit.
Yes, it is a gift that keeps on giving. Work though. Like a houseplant or puppies.
Yeah, the Tamogachi year was a bad one too. This idea can’t be worse than that, right?
The Internet is indeed a wonderful thing. You have your Nice list complete with email addresses? Excellent.
Christmas is saved after all. Very good.
Please pass the Donner ribs, Nick. They’re to die for.