Writings

‘Tonight will be perfect’, she thought, snipping an errant shoot and placing the bonsai tree on the table’s centre. I will be perfect. She moved gracefully in her crimson kimono, the dragon emblazoned on its back seemingly in flight. Where are my shoes? The fridge glared at...

Lucy trembled as Ricky’s fingers moved down the small of her back—not quite touching, but her skin reacting in electric anticipation. She kissed him deeply....

“Two guys walk into a bar; the third one ducks.” No one could tell a joke like Billy. His favourite were ‘dad-jokes’. I always thought he’d be a great dad himself someday. I loved how red he turned as he split a gut laughing. Sometimes he...

“Should anyone here present know of any reason that this couple should not be joined in holy matrimony, speak now or forever hold your peace.” I glanced to the big door at the back of the church. Nothing. She wasn’t going to ruin this for me...

So, who the fiddler’s flying fig decided Mars needed alligators? Turns out, it was more accident than nefarious intent, though I would lean towards idiocy. Remember the urban legend from Old New York? How these parents gave their brat an alligator and it ‘escaped’ down the shitter...

Eddie’s fist connected with a satisfying crunch and Haley couldn’t keep from smiling. The zombie’s newly-detached lower jaw sailed through the air, flicking bits of rot as it spun, ricocheted off a bench and finally splattered flatly on the stylishly overpriced industrial carpet. She instinctively...

“I’d love to, babe, but my phone’s just about out of juice!” Vince pressed the red button on the cell and held it up for her to see. Sweat seeped from his palm as he gripped, afraid to drop his last bit of hope. The woman rapped...

Gwen barely could focus on the oncoming traffic as she headed for home. What a bitch of a day. All I want to do is rip off this bra and put on the give-up pjs. A tractor trailor passed her on the inside lane of the...

Let’s get the moral of the story up front, shall we? Never try to hypnotize a gypsy. Never host a bachelor party the night before the nuptials. Oh, and never invite your ex. Got that? Good. I heard the commotion as I walked down the hallway...

Doug leans back in his Lazyboy and stretches his arms over his head with laced fingers. Gracie seizes the opportunity and slinks on to his lap, circles twice (counter-clockwise) before curing up in a ball with a satisfied sigh. The story isn’t finished yet. It probably...

Once upon a time, there was a beautiful kingdom. It shone as a bright jewel among all the other kingdoms. Or at least it did— until a terrible darkness fell upon it. You see, the King’s court sorcerer messaged in sick that day. Actually, he’d been...

I relish the fine minutia of perfection—a blemish free polish on brass knuckles, a blade honed without sign of pit or burr, the sweet odour of ether on the finest Egyptian cotton—they’re the details that matter. If only I didn’t crave...