Mary Had a Disgruntled Lamb

Mary had a disgruntled little lamb, Whose fleece was greasy and matted And everywhere that Mary went, It rudely belched and farted. It followed her to the liquor store, a raincloud hung over its head. Then found the cheapest lemon gin That would keep their sick livers fed. Now, Mary didn’t have any money, But …

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A Gruff Patch

Bruno Gruff scratched his flea-bitten crotch and stared out the window. His brothers, Barney and Buford, bickered over the last patch of swamp grass. He sniffed his hoof and winced before heading out the door. “Hey, idjits!” he said and threw a rock in their general direction. It bounced off Buford’s head. “Ouch,” said the …

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I hear them, wriggling and squirming, first to my left, then my right, and then it filled my whole world with noise. The click-click-clicking of their little feet stomping and their tiny mandibles chomping— all too much to take. I know now why they call them earwigs. Photo by damianpenney

How to Get Ahead

Water dripped from high above. Perseus gripped the hilt tightly and bounced lightly on the balls of his feet. He hated waiting. A growl. Finally. The sword whistled through the murky air as he pivoted to the sound, eyes closed. Athena’s words guided him. Trust your instincts. Blistering heat threatened to tear away his arms, …

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Kitchen Tools

“But what if I hold it like this?” asked Eunice. “Try it,” I said. There was only one way to learn. Our lives depended on it. Eunice gripped the plastic lettuce cutter and held it to her shoulder. I stifled a small giggle at the image from an old horror flick. She thrust the knife …

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Into the Void

Date: September 27, 1491 SCE (Second Current Era) “Sky Captain,” said Willem. He’d been a stellar First Mate. How long have we been a-flight? Four, no, five years? “Yes, Number One.” Family. Not crew. We were family. “Report.” “Sir, the aft-port propellor is running slow. And the rudder-sail is torn again. Khang has climbed out …

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It’s All About the Cornbread

Ya see, us here wolves got a bad rap. We ain’t so bad. I tell ya, most of us would rather drop in to Joe’s Diner than trounce through the Woods looking for some eats. Sure, we got these pointy chompers and a nose that won’t quit-it ain’t all roses, folks, if ya know what …

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Benny walked into my cubicle and his smile vanished. However, my own grin widened. This gag would play out perfectly. My papers were all laid out and askew to the point where there wasn’t a straight line. My soda dripped along the side almost pointing to the many rings on my desk. I’d thrown my …

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Barbecue No More

Steak was supposed to be on sale. Beef had been so expensive lately that my gal and me were subsisting on less than choice cuts of pork-much to the dismay of the broader Pig community. If they had their way, we’d all be eating fish. Ever since the Chicken Coup of ‘29, the number of …

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Mitzy and the Butterfly

And as quickly begun, it was finished. White magic. My little sister. Gone. The girl rose and stood in the centre of the overgrown boxwood Maze, no longer sure of anything. Her bed, back home, felt real. Felt like this horror was the dream instead of reality. Birdsong floated from high above. I have to …

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Eye Spy

“Something green.” “What’s that, sweetheart?” I’m back to the present. Soccer practice. We’re off to soccer practice. Susie cocks her head sideways. I wonder if she should be in the backseat. The seatbelt is too big for her tiny frame. “It’s your turn,” she says and sticks her bottom lip out. “We always play Eye …

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Love Potion Number 11

The world stuttered in a queer slant as I sat up. I stared at my hand. Love Potion Number 11. I thought it was a joke. Damn you, Ricki. She stood beside me— as always— and offered her arm. I looked to her smiling lips and knew I’d never be angry with her. She helped …

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