Fiction Tag

“Goddam it,” Rita O’Neill said as she let the curtains slide back into place. She stomped out of the kitchen and met Rodney in the driveway, her nails biting into her palms. “Hey, baby,” he slurred then stumbled. Rodney reached to Rita to catch his...

“I hate to bother you, but I have something important to ask,” said the new waitress, setting down my plate of scrambled eggs. “Sure, what is it…” I glanced at her modest bosom and read the name tag. “…Ginny?” Not suffering a blistering hangover for a...

I smelled the human long before I laid my seventeen eyes on him. All that fur and sweat! I greeted him as best as my translator-matrix would allow, but I think it came out in error. The Human opened his mouth and displayed an alarming...

Billy hated being an alien. His green skin didn’t match anything the other kids wore at school. His mother always had to cut holes in his trousers to accommodate the extra pair of legs in the seat. Despite the bad fashion, having only two tentacles...

Billy: Ya rascally varmit, git back here! Davey: Who’s gonna make me? Tommy: That’d be me. Billy: With what, yer lady’s ladel? Tommy: Better than yer rollin’ pin. Davey: Stay back or I’ll dust you all with this flour! Tommy: Dang nab it, if I...

The Sheriff hauled Jimmy to the gallows to become acquainted with the hangman’s knot. You see, he tried to clean the table with a counterfeit full-house. Drunk on hooch, the poor kid wasn’t quite as sharp. He should have stayed with the corn whiskey and...

Me and Little Tim race our horses hard trying to catch up to the train. I saw him tumble from his mount. If the bullet didn’t kill him, surely the trampling did. As I approached the caboose, my damn horse started blowing out. I had to...

“Oh dear, oh dear! I’m late, so terribly late,” muttered Georgie Groundhog to himself as he dressed for the storm outside. “I’ve slept too long. Spring will never come. It’s Valentines and I haven’t given the Tree Princess her card! Oh dear, oh dear!” He clambered out...

You see, Sheriff. I was taking a shower at the Deadman’s Falls after Festus pushed me in the dirt. Sure, there was a bout of fisticuffs, but nothing too crazy? Yes, I know he’s a horse, but I’ve been lonely. Where’s my pants? Yes, sir....

The Cedarwood Home for the Elderly stood at the end of a dead-end street in a rotting borough of a dying town, an apt image not lost on the staff and residents— well, some of them anyway. The arrivals came in minivans full of harried...

“So, I know something you don’t know.” “Bet you don’t.” “I’ll take that bet. Were you talking with Maggie today?” “No. I take it, you were. What’s up with her?” “Ohhh… Nothing.” “Nothing, my ass. Did she lose her job? Again?” “No, she’s game-fully employed for the moment.” “What the hell does...

I entered the ballroom and searched for her in a sea of gowns and tuxedo. I had to find her, to touch her. All these masks! The ladies looked like angels floating across the floor like visions of light and color. The men pranced around...